Nico di Savage
by Rinacapit0l
Summary: Oneshots where Nico is a SAVAGEEE
1. Nico's favorite lyrics from Bitches

Idk if Percy is older than Annabeth or not. Sorry.)

*Behind Percy*

Nico: This girl's 17 now I'm a pedophile! Now she's showing me her tits I think this girls gone wild!

Percy: Well since I'm not your type, I can be Annabeth's. Hmph!

*Behind Leo*

Leo: Hey, ladies.

Nico: Funny man walked in and said "Chupa mi pito" and she munched on his dick like a macho burrito!

Leo: Dios Mío *blushes*

Percy: What's Chupa mi-

Leo: Shut up.

*Behind Hazel*

Nico: First mistake you said you liked my band, second one's you put my undead dick in your hands!

Hazel: I'm a girl.

Nico: Touché.

Hazel: You're Italian.

Leo: You tell him Hazel!

Nico: Oh mio dio.

*Behind Will*

Nico: I whipped out my dick and her jaw hit the floor, acting like she's never seen a magnum before!

Will: I'm gay...

Nico: Do you know what a magnum is?

Will: In that context, I'd rather not say...


	2. Leo and his contraptions

Leo: Guys! Look what I built!

Annabeth: What is that, Leo?

Leo: Its a-

Nico: -dick.

Leo:...what? No it's a fidget toy for ADHD kids.

Nico: Yes, kids with ADHD and sexual tension.

Percy: But what does it do though?

Percy was seriously considering buying one even though it looked like a 6-inch dildo. Nico on the other hand knew what it did and he WAS going to buy one. It had several hidden buttons to tap on and one of them caused it to vibrate. It was an electric dildo. A vibrator. And Neeks was planning on buying one.

Annabeth: Oh gods, Percy you can't be serious.

Jason: Yes he can, he didn't pay attention enough in 6th grade science class to know what a cold front is. He asked me what it was yesterday.

Piper: Yeah, he's not the brightest.

Hazel: But he's alright though.

Frank: Yeah, he's got really cool powers.

Leo: Are you guys gonna buy it or not?

Nico: What's it called?

Leo: A fidget stick. Its got plenty of cool buttons like this one- *he taped the tip and Nico squirmed*-which makes it vibrate! And this one-*he squeezed it*-which makes it reflect your pluse! And when you rub it really fast -*Nico was sweating*-it gets warm! Like your own personal heater! Makes the room you're in really hot though, beware.

Piper was blushing, Jason was about to pass out, Hazel looked like she just witnessed a scandal, Percy had a nosebleed (as Annabeth had done those same gestures to his you-know-where), Annabeth was wide-eyed, Frank passed out, and Nico said:

"How much are you charging for them?"

"Free for my first costumer!"

He handed the fidget stick to Nico and set off towards Bunker 9 while Nico headed to the Apollo Cabin.

When he got there Will was the only one there, thank god. He started pumping the "dildo" to warm up the room. Then he touched the tip and ran it down Will's spine. Will turned around and Nico gestured him to Will's bedroom.

Let's just say that the Apollo Cabiners did not know why the EFF the room was so hot, as far as they knew, no one had sun powers.

Artemis: *frowns down upon Nico and Will*

 **LOL HOPED YOU ENJOYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** **P.S. thx Leo.**


	3. Harry Potter

in the middle of Chiron's speech about how cellphones helped monsters locate them.

"Excuse me Nico, is that a cellphone? " Nico looked up and deadpanned "No, it's a device that Leo made to send Iris messages without having to spend galle-drachmas." He silently cursed himself for stuttering.

"Nico," Chiron said, "Have you been reading those Harry Potter fanfictions again?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I was."

Dionysus got frustrated with the disrespect though and said "Care to read it to the camp, do Anglei?"

Nico smirked. It was always said that Sluter-Slytherins were hardcore smut readers.

"Fine." he said and started reading.

"'Potter.' Draco said. Oh how he wanted to call him Harry but that just was not possible with them keeping their relationship a secret. 'Malfoy.' He replied. 'If you wanna start a fight, meet me after school at 8.' He said and walked off.

"Draco knew all too well what that meant. Harry was always so subtle. So they met after school. 'I'm here, Babe.' And then he was pushed a against a wall and kissed hard. He kissed back as he already knew that this was Harry.

"Before he knew it his shirt was unbuttoned and off and Harry was walking him to a bed that he transfigured. There he took off Draco's trousers and pants in one go. He leaned his head down and-"

"OKAY THAT'S AS FAR AS WE'RE GONNA GO. THIS ASSEMBLY'S OVER, KIDS. GO TO YOUR CABINS AND DON'T COME OUT." Dionysus yelled and went back to the head cabin. Everyone went back to their cabins except for the prophesy seven and Nico.

Then Percy busted out laughing and everyone else joined.

And in the midst of their laughing, Nico went back to his cabin and actually wrote that smut that he had been "reading" that evening. I

Loved it? I know you did. Drarry4life. HPDMHPDMHPDM. And Dramione's cool too I guess. Anyways, byeeeeeee!


	4. Emo Phase

Nico di Angelo was going through an "Emo Phase."

My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco were a few of his favorite artists.

There was also Falling in Reverse, Daughtry, fucking Rascal Flatts.

So yea, I think it's safe to say he was going through an "Emo Phase."

One time Percy heard him listening to Girls/Boys/Girls in his cabin and said "Dude, you're going through an emo phase." And Nico was like "What is this 'Phase' that you speak of? I know not of a phase."

Then it happened.

They were having a Karaoke Night at Camp Half-Blood.

And to say the least:

nICO wAs sHO_ok.

So he signed up and a bunch of others did as well (Including Clarisse. Im) and so Nico was about tenth on the list.

"WELP. Time to binge listen to my playlist."

Nico didn't want to sing any of the songs on his playlist.

The were all too scream-y, or sad-y, or emo-y.

So basically, he was stuck.

And what better way to get unstuck than to read a bunch of Drarry song fics?

So he did that. And he somehow went from Drarry to Spiritshipping??

Anyways, he found a song. And it was FUcKiNg EVerYthiNg.

So he planned on singing it tonight.

'HOEEEEEMYGODS' was all that Nico could think because Clarrisse was singing his song.

E.T. by Katie Perry.

And he was right after her.

And he had no song.

'Whoops, I'm screwed.' He thought.

Clarrisse finished her song and everyone clapped and cheered. She did do a good job.

Now it was Nico's turn. The only ones who cheered were the Prophesy Seven and Will.

"Damnit." He muttered.

He scanned his brain for a song to find and finally found one after ten seconds.

"Shit." He said then proceeded to tell Chiron what he wanted to sing.

The music started like a broken mixtape (You should know where this is going), then Nico started to sing.

Do I look lonely?

I see the shadows on my face

People have told me

I don't look the same

Maybe I lost weight

I'm playing Hookey

With the best of the best

Pulled my heart out my chest

So that you can see it too

So far, there was nothing but muttering. Nico heard some of it too.

"Does this deadweight actually think he Can sing?"

"Deathboy should go to his dad and leave us alone."

But the one that really got to him was

"Did his singing kill his sister and mother?"

And Nico stopped singing. The music stopped. Everything stopped in Nico's mind.

He stared at the crowd but couldn't find the person that said it. So he did the thing that any sensible person would do.

He flipped shit.

And Tartarus froze over.

"How can you say things like that? You just insulted my dead family. I should kill all of you. In fact, I think I will. But first, let me say, all of you are shit. The shit of Apollo's sacred cows.

"How about I teach you a lesson. It's called calm go bye-bye. When you insult my friends, calm go bye-bye. When you take my services for granted, calm go bye-bye. When you disrespect my fucking family, calm go bye-bye.

"A lot of you look forward to being here for the summer. I don't. I come here and think ' Welcome to Camp fucking Half-Blood. Home of the bigoted assholes who claim they're like a family but act like fifty families feuding all at once.'

"Somebody once told me that a child of Hades's (Hades' ?? Idk) fatal flaw is holding a grudge. But I can't bring myself to let go of this one."

And be rose five skeletons for each person there and calmly walked back to the Hades Cabin.

He skipped dinner the next day and was preparing to shadow travel to the Underworld when a knock sounded on his door.

"Coming." He said and opened it to find Percy sitting there with a plate for Nico.

"Hey, Neeks. You can't skip dinner. Eat something. I already did an offering to your dad and Artemis."

"How did you know about the Artemis thing?" Nico hadn't told anyone that he did that. Ever.

"I guessed. Now," he pushed past Nico and inside, "eat."

So Nico ate.

"What was the skipping dinner thing about, Neeks?"

"It was nothing. Just an Emo Phase."

And they both laughed because it was true.

Awwwwwh.

First of all, DEATH OF A BACHELOR BY PANIC! AT THE DISCO.

Secondly,

I can't with the Supportive!Percy. I'm in love with this. See you later. Also,

cAN A mAtcH BoX?


	5. Coming Out

AU guys. Not original storyline. Jason doesn't know.

*after the offerings at dinner Nico shadow travels in*

"Nico!" Percy shouts. "What are you doing here?

Nico clears his throat. "Percy...ARE WE GONNA DO THE JIGG OR NOT?" *starts dancing around in circle* "I'M GAYYYYYYYYYY!" *starts vine-ing* "WE ALL GON DIE. YOU EITHER KILL YOURSELF OR GET KILLED!" *Jumps on Ares table* "WHATCU GON DO?!" *backflips off and runs to the fire* "RAINBOWS ARE AMAZINGGGGG!"

Percy is very confused, Hazel is also confused cause "how can a boy like a boy," Frank raises his eyebrow but says nothing, Jason is being ignored by Piper cause "I thought he liked Annabeth" sarcastically, Piper is secretly fangirling but is mad at Jason for being "mean," Annabeth is smirking cause "Piper is fangirling so hard right now," and Leo is now dancing in a circle with Nico, both are on fire (Nico has black flames, Leo has regular), and they are screaming the lyrics to Young Volcanos.

Well that went well, Nico thinks contently.


End file.
